my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
