He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
