Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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