Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
