was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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