I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
