I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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