I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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