Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
