wat bout pragnant strippers??
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
