All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
