At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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