I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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