im six kinds of drunk right now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize