my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
