So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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