i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
