This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
