final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
