I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
