Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you would pick up someone in the library
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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