ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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