just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
