it wasn't lemon gatorade
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
