Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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