i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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