i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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