I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
