i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
