just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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