I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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