the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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