there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
