Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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