There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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