I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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