It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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