No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
