I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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