I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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