That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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