I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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