No awkward lesbian experiences without me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
