As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There's even glitter on my cock...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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