I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
