her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
