Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
