someone threw a dead crab at me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
