Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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