You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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