you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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