just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize