Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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