I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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