Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
