Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
