ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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