New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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