My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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