I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
