If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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