Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
