It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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