I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
