somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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