My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want a musical about memes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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